


Dirty Adventures of Frieza and Yamcha

by SecretWeaponSeven



Category: Dragon Ball, Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball Z
Genre: Bulma is into it, Consensual Sex, M/M, Porn with minimal Plot, Rare Pairings, Vegeta is not, one shots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:00:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28534047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SecretWeaponSeven/pseuds/SecretWeaponSeven
Summary: One shots with a variety of settings and themes staring everyone's favorite evil space emperor and human hero, all with one important detail in common- things get naughty.I'll update this slowly as I edit the tons of these I've written over the last couple of years. Any chapters that require specific warnings will include them in their summary.
Relationships: Frieza/Yamcha (Dragon Ball)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 30





	1. Your Love Came All Over Me

Your Love Came All Over Me by SecretWeaponSeven

The party was, unsurprisingly, completely intolerable. Frieza leaned against the wall and tapped his foot impatiently, sipping his wine and wondering why he’d bothered to accept the invitation when he knew he’d derive no joy from spending time with the Saiyans and their associates. 

Oh whatever. The emperor of space hardly knew why he did anything these days if he was being honest with himself. All he knew was that in the months following his return to life he’d increasingly found himself craving some sort of challenge, or change, or just… something he couldn’t name. But it left him with a restless dissatisfaction with life that lead him to do stupid and uncharacteristic things. 

Like actually showing up at this event, some birthday party for one of Vegeta’s in laws or something to that effect. 

As he looked over the rim of his wine glass his eyes landed on another attendee of the event who was standing in a group on the other side of the room, a man who had seemed to think he was being discrete with his frequent glances back over his shoulder at the emperor. “What a rough looking character,” he muttered, looking over the being. Yet another unaccounted for Saiyan, perhaps? His fighter’s build and long, dark, wild hair seemed to suggest as such. His eyes flicked down to his waist- no tail though, so perhaps not… but he did have a very nice ass. 

With nothing better to do he kept an eye on that particular feature for a moment, until the man excused himself from the group he was with and started across the room. Seeing him properly from the front Frieza’s eyes were drawn to a set of scars on an otherwise rather handsome face. Not a Saiyan, he decided. Saiyans weren’t sexy. Perhaps he’d go say hello? 

Yamcha had been intending to hit up the buffet, but he was quickly distracted by the realization that Frieza was headed in the same direction. He hadn’t been too bothered by the villain’s presence at the event at first, considering what all he’d heard about his role in saving their universe as well as the knowledge that Goku and the others were there to make sure he behaved, but he still didn’t exactly feel safe being too close. This didn’t stop him from sneaking a few looks. Frieza was fascinating… Not bad looking either, with those nice lips and that fascinating tail. Besides, his thick thighs were exactly what the human was into. 

Still terrifying though. So he hung back a bit, figuring he’d wait until the other was done and then go get his own food. But to his surprise, Frieza walked right up to him. 

“I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Lord Frieza, emperor of space.” He held out his hand. 

A nervous and confused Yamcha hesitantly shook it. “I know. You’re uh, a bit infamous.”

“I’m not at all surprised my great reputation proceeds me!” He chuckled, “And you are?” 

“Oh, right, sorry. The name’s Yamcha. I’m a human. Friend of Goku and the rest of these guys.” 

“Well Yamcha, at the moment you’re the only thing at this party that doesn’t nauseate me. I’m thinking of going for a stroll, will you accompany me?” 

“Sure, as long as you aren’t planning to kill me.” Yamcha laughed but he still glanced around the room to make sure his more powerful friends weren’t too far just in case. 

“You’re smart for not saying no to me,” Frieza replied lightly, and placed his hand on the human’s warm, muscular arm. Some harmless flirting could provide at least a little distraction from his current restlessness. This meek hottie would likely respond in an at least mildly entertaining way… 

As the two left, Bulma commented to Vegeta, “Wouldn’t have thought those two would be friends.” 

Vegeta just shuddered. “I don’t think ‘friends’ is what that Frieza has in mind.” 

Frieza and Yamcha walked in silence for a minute through the corridors of Capsule Corp and out into the garden- it seemed deserted. Plenty of places to be discrete, as well. They stepped behind a large tree, and Frieza paused there, stopping his still nervous companion. 

“Uh, what are we- Frieza?!” Yamcha’s confusion only further increased when Frieza suddenly advanced on him, and he backed up against the tree trunk. 

“I’m going to be perfectly honest with you, Yamcha,” Frieza purred, lifting a hand to trace his fingers down the front of the human’s toned torso. “I’ve been so terribly bored, and something about you caught my eye. How would you feel about having the honor of entertaining me for a little bit?” 

Yamcha’s mouth went dry. The wording was vague, but between the way he was being touched and the lustful expression on the villain’s face, it couldn’t be more obvious what he was implying. The human knew Frieza wouldn’t take a rejection well- but he didn’t think he’d want to reject him anyway. A man had needs, after all, and his body was very quick to respond to being touched. 

Besides, it was flattering catching the eye of royalty, pure evil or otherwise. And he was a man- a fairly androgynous one, but a man just the same- which meant one very important thing. 

Cute ladies made Yamcha nervous. Cute men? They made him horny. 

Still though… he wasn’t completely sure this wasn’t all some sort of setup. But he knew he could force some honesty out of Frieza by calling the potential bluff… He leaned down close and replied with a wolfish grin, “I’d be happy to entertain you, Lord Frieza. Assuming you can keep up.” 

That confident reply was the last thing the smaller man had expected, but he liked it. Unexpected was interesting, and that was exactly what he was craving. “We’ll just have to find out if I can, then, won’t we?” He answered, leaning forward. 

With a quick motion Yamcha leaned back against the tree and pulled Frieza against him, powerful arms wrapped low on the tyrant’s back. This human was stronger than he’d thought… still no where near Frieza’s level of course, and it would be a simple matter for him to break out of his grip. He wasn’t about to though… he wanted to see how far his new interest would take this. It was clear his prior assessment of the man as ‘meek’ had been delightfully inaccurate. 

Meeting no resistance, Yamcha held the villain’s slender yet impressively muscled body close with one arm and gave his ass a squeeze with his free hand. He was sure that would be the end of it, but instead Frieza’s tail winded around them both and he whispered, “Keep going.” 

“Seriously?”

The emperor glared. “What, were you just planning to be a tease?” 

“No, but I just assumed you were.” 

In response, Frieza slipped his hand between them, unbuttoned the human’s pants, and slid his fingers inside. “For someone who thought I was just teasing your body is clearly taking this seriously.” 

“Can’t help it,” Yamcha replied, then quickly turned them around, pushed Frieza back against the tree, knelt down, and lifted one of his legs over his shoulder, “but if we’re gonna do this give me a sec to acquaint myself with your, uh, unmentionables.” 

“Oho ho ho,” Frieza laughed down at the other man, “you’re willing to be filthy with someone you hate yet you’re too proper to say genitals?”

“I think that’s the first time anyone has ever accused me of being proper,” Yamcha said, not taking his eyes off the other man’s crotch as the aforementioned parts revealed themselves. “Whoa… Okay this is… unique.” 

Crossing his arms, Frieza glared down at his potential lover. “What, not to your liking?” 

“Heh, the opposite, actually, I’m… not sure what I’m looking at but I’m completely into it. Help me out here, is this-“ he gently wrapped his right hand around a protruding shaft as it slid out the front of his would be lover’s crotch, “-your dick?” 

“Obviously,” Frieza replied, unconsciously shifting his hips slightly forward.

“So uh, what does that make this?” Yamcha asked, using the fingers of his left hand to lightly probe some manner of opening behind it. The alien used his tail to grab the taller man’s wrist and push his fingertips into his entrance. 

“I assume that gives you some idea?” 

“Yeah… it’s giving me a lot of ideas alright…” He stood back up and guided his fully erect penis out of his pants, but otherwise stayed clothed just in case any other guests of the party decided they wanted some fresh air. 

While the taller man pulled a condom out of a pocket at the back of his wallet, Frieza took a moment to properly appraise the newly revealed appendage. He liked what he saw. “My, this is certainly going to be _fun_ , isn’t it?” 

“I should hope,” Yamcha glanced around again, contemplating the best way to do this. Well… he was about to fuck someone unusually strong, maybe they could try a unique position that someone like Bulma wouldn’t be able to do? “Okay,” he directed, “I’m gonna put on some protection, and then I want you to hold on to that branch above you.” 

“You are quite the bold one, ordering me around like that,” Frieza chuckled, but complied. Letting the human do so was part of what was making this experience so novel. He watched the other man roll the condom down to cover his erection and was quietly amused that he’d shown up at this event prepared to get laid. 

Once ready, he grabbed Frieza’s firm ass and lifted him up so that their waists were more or less aligned, then guided himself into that opening he’d found before. The alien tightened his grip on the tree branch above him as he felt his body being stretched. He was much too small in this form to be having sex with a large man like this Yamcha, but the intensity this mismatch caused was incredible. He wrapped his legs around his lover’s waist and moaned as he pulled him in deeper. 

\- - - 

“Geez, I hope Yamcha’s okay,” Bulma commented to her husband, “he’s been off with Frieza for a while now. Can you still feel his energy? I want to be sure he wasn’t killed-“ 

“Oh, he’s very much alive,” Vegeta replied, cringing. “And as long as he can perform as expected he’ll stay that way. But I’m not about to try and feel either of them right now-“ 

“I don’t get it, but if you don’t want to check on them I think I will-“ 

The Saiyan stopped her by grabbing her arm. “Ugh, look…” he lowered his voice, “if you’d been paying attention you would have picked up that those two were checking each other out long before they wandered off. To be blunt, when something gets Frieza…in the mood… he will stop at nothing until he’s satisfied. If someone interrupted them it wouldn’t be a pretty sight.“ 

“Oh my gawd, oh my gawd,” Bulma giggled, “you’re saying they went off to _fuck_? Oh boy, now it’s Frieza I’m worried for- one of the reasons I dumped Yamcha is that sex with him was TOO intense, I could never get a full night’s sleep and was constantly too sore to walk! And now he’s pulling those same techniques on Frieza of all people? I’ve gotta sneak over and watch!” Vegeta was so surprised by this response that she was able to shake off his grip and sprint off down the hall. 

“I married a pervert…” Vegeta muttered. Too disgusted to go try and stop her, he instead went and found Goku and coaxed him into a fight (always an easy task) so he’d have an excuse to punch something. 

\- - - 

“Oh yes, yes! Yamcha! Keep going! I need more!” Frieza moaned. His position basically hanging from a tree branch gave Yamcha complete control over his body, and he was using it to great effect as he gripped the aliens’s thighs and pounded him, each thrust landing deep in the smaller man’s overstimulated hole. 

The human was having an amazing time as well- Frieza’s body was so tight, sexy, and inhuman that it left him with knees weak to the point it was almost difficult to stay in this standing position. Lucky for them both he was stubborn, and determined to bring them both to a climax. Seeing space’s most feared villain moaning and shouting his name with his head thrown back and skin flushed was adding to his excitement almost as much as the physical aspect of things. 

Best of all was he had a lover he could fuck without having to hold back- his own strength was such that if he wasn’t careful he could injure a human by doing this, but with the emperor he could be fully secure in his inability to harm him. With that in mind he could concentrate on the incredible pleasure of the situation. 

Frieza knew he was getting close, and was too distracted by that knowledge to realize the branch was splintering under his strong grip. Sure enough it broke a minute later. His human lover didn’t miss a beat, supporting him with his hands on his thighs and backing him up against the tree’s trunk. The bark was rough against his back, but this was also stimulating- there was zero chance of it marring his durable skin. 

Now that Yamcha was fully supporting Frieza’s weight he appreciated the heaviness of the smaller man- maybe it was due to that muscular tail? The fact that he had no trouble even now with this position just appealed to the human’s manly pride. With the friends he had he didn’t often get to feel like his strength was anything special, but this was the perfect reminder that he really was a uniquely talented member of his species. But his powerful body wasn’t the only thing that made him unique- he sped up his thrusts and brought his lips to his lover’s. He’d finally found the ideally durable partner to explore the full range of his sexual abilities with! 

Frieza put his arms around Yamcha’s shoulders and melted into the sensation of an intense, almost romantic kiss that contrasted so sharply with the feral, overwhelming stimulation his lower body was feeling as he continued to allow himself to be entirely at the human’s mercy. 

The passion he felt from those lips, the heat of his body, the pleasurable torment between his legs, the knowledge that he’d finally found something to break through his ennui of these last few months- it was the perfect blend of physical and mental bliss, and he broke the kiss, pressing his face against the human’s chest as he moaned loudly, his climax hitting him like a freight train. 

Yamcha kept going for a few more thrusts, prolonging the alien’s stimulation, but his powerful inner muscles were just too good and he had his own intense orgasm not long after. He carefully pulled out and sat on the ground, panting as he pulled Frieza into his lap. They held each other as they regained their clarity. “How was that, huh?” He asked after a minute. 

“…I need more.” 

“Seriously?” 

Frieza smirked up at his new lover. “Will that be a problem?” 

“Of course not,” he grinned, standing with the alien still in his arms. “I only brought one condom, but I know where we can not only find some more, but also a big, soft bed to do this in…” 

\- - - 

The party was nearly over by the time Bulma came skipping back to her husband’s side. “It’s about time. What, were you paralyzed with horror by what you saw?” 

“Nope! Quite the opposite- the way those two go at it is awe inspiring, I couldn’t look away! Spying on them has made me the horniest I’ve been in years!” She tossed her arms around Vegeta, giggling as he sputtered. “Only problem is, now I’m totally in the mood for you to try and fuck me with even half the passion Yamcha was showing Frieza, but we’re out of condoms!” 

The Saiyan held his beautiful wife. Well, having some fun with her would be a good way to get the nasty mental images of her ex and his former employer out of his mind! “Oh, don’t worry, I bought a new box last week-“ 

“Yeah, they found it and used them all,” she replied with another fit of giggles. “We should probably wash our bed sheets ASAP too…” 

“You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m gonna be sick!” 

As if on queue, Yamcha and Frieza wandered back in at that moment, holding hands. They let go as soon as they noticed the other couple’s eyes on them. “Oh, uh, hey guys. Frieza and I were chatting and I guess we lost track of time-“ 

“Of course, it’s easy to do, I’m sure you were having a truly… stimulating conversation!” Bulma said, approaching them then feigning a surprised ignorance. “But Yamcha, what’s this light colored liquid on your shirt?” 

Whoops. It was jizz. Yamcha mentally panicked- it must have happened when they were still fully clothed for that first round, or maybe during their final sloppy make out right before re-entering the party room, or perhaps when he folded his shirt and put it under Frieza’s hips to change the angle of penetration… or really at any point. They’d just had an awful lot of sex! “It’s um, it’s a… a sauce from the buffet! Guess I must have spilled some? Ha ha?” 

“That makes sense,” Bulma lied, then suddenly swiped her finger through it and held it up in Vegeta’s face. “Hey, wanna lick?” 

The Saiyan ran out of the room near ready to vomit. Frieza, who’d been silent to this point, shook his head and then whispered in Yamcha’s ear, “I’ll be seeing you again soon, darling.” 

“I’m counting on it,” he replied with a smile. 

End Your Love Came All Over Me 

Author’s Note: I have probably dozens of one shots, random scenes, and other files of spicy Yamza content rotting on my hard drive. Figured it was about time I made a place to put all them. Will update this from time to time when I feel like cleaning up, finishing, and posting said content.


	2. Wanna Be Your Victim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set in the time period between the end of Dragon Ball and start of DBZ, Yamcha has been getting a mysterious- and sexy- night time visitor...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE NOTE: This fic, like everything I publish, features consensual sex. However, the dialog is suggestive of it being somewhat coerced. In the name of caution I'm including this warning, please decide for yourself if this one shot is one you need to skip.

Wanna Be Your Victim by SecretWeaponSeven

Yamcha awoke to the feeling of pressure just below his hips. His eyes opened slowly, adjusting to the faint silver light that filtered through his curtains and just barely illuminated- 

“Frieza?!” 

That mysterious alien being was straddling him, his pale skin almost glowing in the muted moonlight. He leaned forward, pressing his finger to Yamcha’s lips. The human nodded, and Frieza removed it, leaning back with a calm smile. 

Yamcha sat up, the sheets falling from his bare chest. Careful to keep his voice down, he placed his hands on the smaller man’s broad shoulders. “Frieza, I mean it, you can’t just keep showing up here like this. You need to go-“ he tried to push him back off his lap, but predictably, the man who’d called himself the Emperor of Space didn’t budge. 

“My dear Yamcha,” he smirked, tracing his finger over the lines of the human’s abs, “If you ever put up more than a token resistance I’d be more than happy to respect your wishes. I know for a fact your capable of much more than this.” He shrugged his shoulders just slightly but it was enough to make Yamcha let go. 

“I know what you’re capable of too, you know. If I said no you’d probably blow up this planet.” 

“Always the hero,” Frieza chuckled. “Or maybe you’re just making excuses. I think you enjoy this every bit as much as I do.” As if to prove that point he wrapped his arms around Yamcha’s neck and pulled him in for a violent kiss. Almost instinctively Yamcha’s hands found their way to to Frieza’s hips, lightly stroking up his sides for a moment before pulling away. “Really now?” 

“Really. Things are finally back to normal between Bulma and me. I can’t lose her again!”

“I get so bored when you talk about that girlfriend of yours. Now… touch me. Just a little. If you don’t want to continue after that I’ll leave. I won’t even harm your precious planet.” 

‘You… you promise?” Yamcha asked, slowly moving his hands back to Frieza’s waist. 

Frieza knew he had him. “Of course… You have my word.” He leaned against the human, taking care to grind his crotch a little against his as he did so. “So go on then, Yamcha. Touch me…” 

“Alright… just a little and then you’ll leave,” He ran his hands over the smaller man’s muscular back, then down past his tail and to his ass. 

Frieza could feel Yamcha’s breathing deepening, and a growing hardness beneath him. Perfect. He then stood up on the bed, grabbing a fistful of the other man’s long hair and pulling him between his legs. 

Yamcha hesitated, painfully aware of the alien anatomy inches from his face. He still had no idea who this Frieza really was, only that, between his unusual body and staggering strength, he believed him when he said he was the ruler of space. He also had no idea why he was so attracted to this… this indescribable being. 

“Go on, my darling… You’re not going to keep me waiting are you?” 

It would be easier to resist if he didn’t smell and taste so good! With a silent apology to Bulma he closed his eyes and opened his mouth, running his tongue over the slowly parting seam that would, with proper stimulation, reveal the emperor’s most sensitive areas. 

Frieza loved this. He’d never had a partner so excited to use their mouth for his pleasure, yet Yamcha not only was willing, but also rather gifted at it. Readjusting things slightly, he put his legs over his lover’s shoulders, his tail braced against the bed to keep his balance. 

Yamcha could feel Frieza quickly opening up further, and his unusual genitals were finally exposed. To a human, he supposed the alien was some manner of intersex?- there was both, to put it crudely, some sort of penis-like protrusion and a little hole behind it. Both were fun to play with, as much as he hated to admit it. He wrapped his fingers around the former and pushed his tongue into the latter, reveling in the tightness and heat of it. For someone who’s skin felt so cool to the touch, his core certainly was burning… 

“Mmm, yes,” Frieza moaned, arching his back then quickly covering his mouth. Yamcha flinched at how loud he was being, but after a moment continued his play- until another loud moan pulled his attention back away from the task at hand. 

“You can’t do that, if Bulma hears…” In a flash of inspiration Yamcha grabbed the end of Frieza’s thick tail and shoved it in his mouth. “Now keep quiet.” 

Frieza intended to spit it out and smack him with it but… it was kinda hot when this human, thousands of degrees weaker than himself, had the balls to push him around like that. And he did have a point about the need to stay quiet. 

The taste was weird, there was no getting around that. Yamcha loved it. As fucked up as it was the fact that he tasted completely unlike a human woman just drove home how wrong this was- and it made things so exciting. A curving of his tongue hit the right spot and he felt Frieza shiver, but the tail did the trick. Confident that noise wouldn’t be an issue he kept it up until his alien lover tensed, his thighs squeezing Yamcha’s neck and hands pulling his hair for a moment before he allowed himself to fall gracefully backward, landing on the bed with a loud thunk. 

Yamcha stared down at Frieza, his legs open and breaths sharp. Slowly the emperor opened one eye and lifted his dexterous right foot to stroke his human’s dick. “Well Yamcha? I’m satisfied. Shall I leave now?” 

Regarding the impossibly gorgeous man in front of him with a glare, Yamcha shook his head. “I fucking hate you for this,” he muttered, then dived on top of him. 

As his human wrapped his arms around him and covered his lips with his own, Frieza grinned. It always worked like this… He could give Yamcha every escape route imaginable but in the end he would always choose their shared pleasure. His visits to Earth had originally been for the purpose of following up on an unfulfilled offer to purchase the planet years ago, but he had rather quickly found out that the inhabitants of it could be quite a bit of fun… particularly the handsome, conflicted, easy to manipulate man that was currently fumbling with a condom.

“Okay,” Yamcha tossed the packaging over his shoulder and pressed his covered dick against Frieza’s opening. “Are you going to keep quiet or do you need a mouthful of tail again?” 

“Oh I don’t know,” Frieza answered with a sly wink. “I’d say that’s up to you- how much effort are you planning on putting into this? Will I be unable to control myself?” 

Yamcha just glared for a moment, then slammed into him hard, quickly kissing him to muffle what would have been a loud gasp. “Well?” He whispered, “Is this too much?” His anger at this man for repeatedly making him betray his girlfriend, as well as his anger at himself for not being able to resist, mixed with pure arousal, and he pounded Frieza. 

The emperor shut his eyes and smiled, “More… I need more…” 

Using his own immense strength and counting on Frieza’s ridiculous power to keep him unharmed, Yamcha fucked the other man hard. Had he done this with another human he’d likely break their hips, but Frieza loved the intensity of it. Neither of them lasted long- they were both too worked up, and it wasn’t like circumstances allowed them to really draw it out anyway. 

With a casual flick of his tail Frieza pushed Yamcha off of him, and stood, heading to the window. He paused, glanced back over his shoulder, and said with a wink, “I’ll be seeing you again soon. Give my regards to that girlfriend you hold so very dear.” 

Yamcha watched the other man fly away and sighed, pushing his hair back. “I can’t keep letting him do this-“ 

His train of thought was interrupted as the bedroom door opened and a sleepy looking Bulma came in. “Hey Yamcha-“ she stopped mid yawn as her eyes landed on her boyfriend, who sat in the middle of the crumpled bedsheets covered in sweat and still wearing the used condom. “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!” 

“It’s not what you think! I had to do it or else he’d probably blow up the planet or something!” 

“Oh really?! Do you honestly think I’d fall for a dumb story like that?! You know what, Yamcha? I’m done with you. We’re breaking up for real this time, now get out!” 

As Yamcha walked home, dejected, he paused and looked up at the sky. “Frieza, you bastard…” he sighed, took a few more steps, then paused again. 

If he was single now, it wasn’t cheating… he couldn’t help but smile a little and whispered into the night, “come back soon you gorgeous jerk.” Yamcha ran the rest of the way home in high spirits. 

End Wanna Be Your Victim

Author’s note: This is a really old story I originally shared on the Yamza discord, but I still like it for the fact that I rarely write the dynamic like this. Minor edits have been done to make it more consistent and fix a couple word repetition issues. Anyway, here's one take on what may have lead to Bulma's claims that Yamcha cheated. No wonder Yamcha was so flustered and Frieza was so flirty when they finally were once again face to face in FighterZ...


	3. Galaxies Ignite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Yamcha accidentally flirts with his greatest enemy it turns out to be the greatest mistake of his life. But what's more surprising- the fact that he was so very sexually compatible with Frieza of all people, or the fact that the emperor of space is completely inexperienced?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally a 'bonus scene' for an incomplete SFW fic. I edited it slightly to make it work as a freestanding story, but if it seems like a few lines are the same as an unfinished fic I'd put on my SFW account, well, that's why.

Galaxies Ignite by SecretWeaponSeven

Sometimes life worked in strange ways… Yamcha had just wanted to find love, but instead found himself accidentally flirting with Frieza- the most terrifying man in space himself! One thing led to another, as it so often does, and after multiple cases of mixed signals and unintended double entendres they were now both standing in the human’s bedroom, bodies pressed together… 

“We’re really doing this this time?” Yamcha asked. When the smaller man confirmed with a nod, the human quickly scooped him up and hauled him over to the bed, tossing him on his back before climbing on top of him, his long hair falling around them. “You’re heavier than you look- I mean that in a good way!” He paused a moment to make sure Frieza wasn’t offended before continuing, “I guess it’s all that muscle. Your body is amazing.” 

“I assume you plan to worship it properly?” Frieza asked, curling his tail around Yamcha’s leg. 

“I plan to, but, uh… I’ve only done this with humans before. How should I-“ 

“I am NOT going to discuss it!” The emperor was blushing harder than ever at this point, and he grabbed his lover by the shoulders and pushed him down. “I’m sure you’ll figure it out!” 

He took the hint, and carefully used his fingers on the smooth skin between Frieza’s thighs. It seemed as good of a starting point as any, just going by his knowledge of human anatomy. After a moment of rubbing his fingertips against that spot with increasing pressure the alien’s breath caught, and Yamcha paused for a sec. “Was that okay?”

Frieza loved what Yamcha was doing to him but hated talking about it. “I’ll stop you if it isn’t,” he finally replied, staring at the wall. Somehow he worried the human would judge him negatively if he let his inexperience show- a strange feeling for him, as usually the only thing anyone felt toward him was fear. Logically there was no reason for him to concern himself with the opinion of someone he could kill without a second thought, but logic took a back seat to physical sensation as Yamcha continued to touch him. 

“Whoa…” After a surprisingly enjoyable minute or so of watching the ‘fearsome and evil’ villain struggle to control his breathing from just a simple touch, Yamcha was surprised to see the skin part. “So uh, you do have, um…” 

Frieza covered his face with one hand, embarrassed. “Stop talking. Or do you find what you’re seeing objectionable?” 

“Of course not,” Yamcha quickly answered. It wasn’t just because he was still a bit afraid of the man he was attempting to pleasure though- he was fascinated by Frieza’s body, and that included his surprisingly appealing genitalia. He did some more exploring with his fingers, enthralled in how different the skin felt compared to the rest of him. 

The alien grabbed a pillow and used it to muffle what otherwise would have been an extremely undignified moan. He was still hardly even being touched at this point, but Yamcha was handling such sensitive parts of his body. The rest of his skin was extraordinarily tough and resilient- it had to be, as it was one of the reasons he could survive having planets blow up around him!- but it was far from sensitive as a trade off. As such he wasn’t used to feeling anything quite as vividly as what he was currently! 

Leaning down close for a better look, Yamcha couldn’t help but notice how interesting Frieza’s scent was. In fact, the more he noticed it, the more he liked it, and he wondered if he tasted as good as he smelled, Considering how he’d been pushed down earlier, he figured Frieza wanted him to find out. With that in mind he leaned his face down closer. 

Feeling his human’s warm breath between his legs, Frieza froze for a moment, then lifted the pillow from his face just enough to look down and confirm it was finally happening. 

That thought he hadn’t been able to get out of his head all night. 

Yamcha glanced up, caught Frieza’s eye, and paused. The emperor squeezed his eyes shut, nodded just slightly, then threaded his fingers through the taller man’s hair and pushed his head down. Yamcha took a deep breath and opened his mouth, running his tongue over his lover’s strange and captivating genitals. He wasn’t disappointed, they tasted completely inhuman yet somehow addictive. But even better was the reaction this got- as the body beneath him squirmed and gasped from this almost tease, he felt his confidence increase. 

Here he was, in bed with Lord Frieza, and he had the tyrant absolutely losing himself with almost no effort… “Wow,” he whispered, in awe of not only the gorgeous and horrifying being under him, but also himself for managing to have this effect on him. Well, if what was basically just a few quick rubs and a lick had this effect, he couldn’t wait to see how Frieza responded when he showed him what he could really do! 

Even knowing what was coming, Frieza couldn’t help but be unnerved… Up to this point it was all a little bit of play- barely more than what he’d done to himself on a handful of occasions in his adult life. But they were about to cross a line that he’d never previously gone beyond, and the idea of the vulnerability that he’d be showing made him nervous. Was this something he could really trust some weak human he’d practically barely met with? 

There was the briefest moment of mental warfare between two sides- one was the part of him that knew it was unwise to show weakness to anyone (especially a subordinate of his worst enemy!). Yet another part of him that, after years and years of rejecting such things, and several months of feeling truly like he was on his own, wanted if just once to trust someone. To make one exception and form one bond. 

…then the human took him into his mouth and suddenly thinking was the last thing Frieza wanted to do. “Mmm, yes,” he moaned into the pillow, spreading his legs wide open. 

Well, well… Yamcha smiled to himself. He couldn’t get over how HOT it was, this powerful being completely losing himself under him. Despite the dim lighting of the room Frieza’s pale skin almost seemed to glow. He really was stunningly beautiful. There was only one thing that could make this better- as the alien once again hid his face with the pillow to smother a loud gasp, Yamcha reached up, grabbed it, and tossed it to the other side of the room. 

Frieza, a dark blush staining his cheeks, sat up. “What do you think you’re doing?!” 

It was strange, but for some reason Yamcha was no longer afraid of him at this point. He knew of course of both the emperor’s strength and temper, yet, it was becoming incredibly obvious that right now, in this bed… Yamcha was the one in control. So he reached one hand up, placed it in the center of the other man’s chest, and pushed him back against the bed. “I want to be able to see and hear how much you’re enjoying this,” he said, then put his mouth back to work. 

Unwilling to accept such indignity, Frieza grabbed the second pillow, smacked his lover lightly on the head with it, and once again covered his face. Yamcha didn’t even look up this time, he just raised a hand long enough to disintegrate the pillow with a Ki blast. No one ever pushed Frieza around like this! …it was actually ridiculously sexy, at least when Yamcha did it. Fine then, he’d give him what he wanted. No longer trying to hold himself back he lifted one of his feet to the back of the human’s head, stroking his hair and encouraging him to go quicker and harder. When he complied, the emperor moaned, grabbing handfuls of the bed sheets. 

Yamcha glanced up for a moment, enthralled, then grabbed Frieza’s hips and continued with further enthusiasm. It didn’t take much longer after that, he felt his lover’s whole body shake with his climax. Swallowing and wiping his mouth before looking up past his messy hair he grinned at the alien. “Well! That was certainly something!” 

“Mm-hmm,” Frieza agreed between his heavy breaths, hooking his tail under the human’s arms and pulling him up to his side. “This stays between us. If a single detail of what just happened is shared with anyone I will kill you.” 

Considering how the alien was still panting and practically snuggling up against his chest at this point it was hard to take the threat too seriously, but Yamcha still nodded, wrapping his arms around his new lover. They waited like that for a moment, but suddenly Frieza pushed Yamcha onto his back. “This…” 

“Oh yeah, sorry…” the two men stared at Yamcha’s erection for an uncomfortable moment before he attempted to pull up the sheets. Frieza stopped him. 

“I assume you expect me to help with that?” 

“No, not really,” Yamcha laughed awkwardly, “I mean I’m sure I’d enjoy it if you did but I’m totally fine with just taking care of your needs-“ 

Frieza smiled, “Your devotion is noted, and appreciated. But…” In a fluid, graceful movement he straddled the human, pressing his still messy crotch down on Yamcha’s. 

“Oh wow, okay, we’re doing this now,” the human reached up and stroked those thighs he couldn’t get over, feeling almost light headed. But Frieza stayed still, in fact he looked a bit nervous. 

“I’m… going to need your help,” he finally said. “I’m not sure how this will… work. Considering, well…” he gestured faintly between his small but powerful body and Yamcha’s much larger one, “…amongst other things.” 

“We’ll make it happen,” the human answered, “Just stop me if this is ever uncomfortable okay?” Frieza nodded, his eyes wide. 

Dear Kami, he was cute when he wasn’t being scary!

Carefully, Yamcha pressed a finger against the opening he’d found during his previous exploration, and Frieza leaned forward, balancing himself with his hands on his human’s chest. Sliding the tip of his finger inside, he watched the alien bite his lip. “You’re really tight. This is going to be fun.” 

“Are the lewd comments really necessary?” Frieza asked. Yamcha just laughed and sat up slightly so he could kiss him- but Frieza pulled away, wiping his mouth. “You still taste like…” 

Yamcha winked. “Like your deliciousness? Yeah, I do. Ain’t it great?” He kissed him again, which he allowed this time. 

“Filthy man,” he whispered, but the tone was affectionate. Now that he seemed more relaxed, Yamcha reached over and grabbed a small bag off the ground by the bed, pulling out a bottle he’d bought the prior day when he could never have guessed just who’d be joining him in bed that night. Funny how, while things had worked out in a completely different way than he could have possibly planned, his preparations were still coming in handy. 

Frieza looked down at him, confused. “What is that?” 

Yamcha shrugged as he opened the bottle. “I figure lube is probably gonna be a necessity here.” 

“That’s… oh goodness…” Frieza was once again blushing like crazy, but he watched with hungry eyes as the substance was applied. Once finished, the bottle was tossed aside and Yamcha grabbed Frieza’s hips with one hand and himself with the other. 

“Alright, let’s see how this works…” The two men locked eyes for a moment, then Frieza shut his as Yamcha carefully guided him down onto himself, slowly penetrating him. 

Once the other man’s appendage was most of the way into him, Frieza nodded. “This is… strange. Intense but pleasant. I think we can continue… Yamcha?” 

Under him, the human was in absolute bliss. “Wow, Frieza, you feel so good I could almost cry, do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to not just cum at this very second?” 

The emperor felt an odd sort of pride from that, but tried not to show it outwardly. “Well, that’s all well and good for you, but now what?” 

Yamcha was honestly surprised at these continued signs of inexperience, but he figured he’d consider it an honor to be the one that helps him with these things. He put his hands back on Frieza’s hips. “Okay, I’m gonna move you a little bit, alright? Feel free to adjust the rhythm so that it feels comfortable for you, if you need to. I guess the most important thing is to stay relaxed okay?” 

“Understood. I leave myself in your care, Yamcha. Don’t make me regret it.” 

“Don’t worry, babe, we’ve got this,” he replied, pulling the smaller man down for one more quick reassuring kiss before returning his hands to his lower body and starting to guide him to move. 

Frieza shut his eyes and concentrated on what he was feeling- the warmth of the human under him, the reassuring grip of his hands, and the erotic pressure inside him as he allowed Yamcha to move his body. He was amused listening to the other man- he was starting to see why Yamcha had gotten rid of the pillow, as hearing his obvious enjoyment was flattering… and he had to admit it was arousing as well. He finally opened his eyes and looked down at his lover’s messy hair and sweat drenched skin and wondered who gave this weakling the right to look so damned amazing? 

He was also surprised by how good all of this was starting to feel. The more he relaxed and allowed Yamcha to move his body the better it felt, and after a while it was almost too much. He leaned forward and pressed his face against the human’s shoulder, attempting to stifle a loud moan as his body went over the edge for the second time that night. 

Yamcha rubbed his back for a moment, then asked, “May I?” While carefully flipping them over so that he was now on top. Frieza nodded, then clung to his human lover as he pounded him for a minute more before finally reaching his own powerful climax. He flopped down gracelessly on top of the emperor. 

“That was amazing, you’re incredible, Frieza,” he said after a moment. 

“That shouldn’t be a surprise,” he answered, but smiled and added, “I had high expectations for you, but you didn’t disappoint. Thank you, Yamcha. We’ll have to do this again.” 

“For sure! But for now,” he paused to yawn, then gestured toward the clock, which showed it was nearly morning, “Sleep?” 

“Fine then,” Frieza allowed Yamcha to pull him close, and let his tail drape over the both of them. 

Yamcha gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. As he started to drift off, he decided that having things not work out as he’d originally hoped might have actually been the for the best.

End Galaxies Ignite by SecretWeaponSeven

Author’s Note: Not much to say about this one, just that I think it’s one of the best sex scenes I’ve wrote. Oh, and comments and kudos are my fuel and sustenance. Knowing people are actually reading this is what gets me actually publishing it.


	4. Come Undone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamcha brings his new lover Frieza home for the first time. Puar isn't ready to trust the villain, but that doesn't stop the couple from getting kinky. 
> 
> This chapter needs a content warning for blood and slightly rough sex. 
> 
> This was my first ever attempt at writing Yamza smut and was originally the epilogue to my very first SFW Yamza fic but I wound up taking it down after deciding to keep that account SFW. Figured this was as good of a time as any to repost it with a couple little edits. There are some references to the other fic in it but this still works well enough on its own even if you haven't read it.

Come Undone by SecretWeaponSeven

“Well, this is the place,” Yamcha opened the door and helped Frieza out of his car. 

The emperor stared up at the tall building before him. “I’m impressed. This looks much more suitable than that ridiculous ‘tiny house’…”

“Well, the whole thing isn’t mine, I just rent one apartment, but it’s the penthouse! So it’s still a lot more spacious than where we were previously!” 

“I pride myself on my adaptability, Yamcha, but I do have my standards. No matter, if this isn’t up to them we’ll just have to find something nicer.”

A quick elevator ride to the top floor later, Yamcha lead Frieza into his new home. Almost immediately Puar was there. “Lord Yamcha! I’ve missed you!” 

“I missed you too, Puar!” He answered, and the two best friends shared a quick hug. Puar then turned to look at the emperor. 

“So this is Frieza?” Puar asked, surprised. While Yamcha had told him quite a bit about the emperor, Puar still wasn’t quite prepared for the alien being that now stood before him. 

“Lord Frieza,” he corrected. “And you must be Puar. Well, let’s see it then, your trick.”

“It’s not a trick, it’s a special skill I had to work very hard to acquire!” Puar answered, irritated. However, he still wanted to show off- and moments later, there were two Friezas in the room. “Well?”

The real Frieza slowly circled the fake, his expression one of irritation. “This is… unsettling.”

Satisfied, Puar turned back. “Now that you know you should take me seriously, I want you to know that if you so much as think about harming Yamcha or any of our friends, I’ll make you regret it!”

“I’m not sure you truly realize who you’re talking to,” Frieza answered dryly. 

“Come on you two, if we’re all going to be living here we should probably all try and get along!” Yamcha insisted. The emperor shrugged dismissively, and the shapeshifter looked away. 

\- - -

After an awkward day, Puar retired to his room- technically the space was intended as a walk in coat closet, but with a few minor modifications it was more than comfortable enough for the tiny being. The apartment was spacious, but only had two bedrooms- one was used as a home gym, and the master bedroom was Yamcha’s… and now, shared by Frieza. 

There was a bit of a shared jealousy between Puar and Frieza. Puar resented that someone had just stepped in and taken over his spot as Yamcha’s closest confidant. The fact that this someone was a villain, particularly one that had been both directly and indirectly involved with Yamcha’s deaths, added further dislike. He could tell that Frieza had some resentment for him, too… probably because of his long history with Yamcha. 

Either way, it would be a long time before Puar was willing to trust the emperor! With that, he left his door open just a crack, so that he’d be able to hear if anything went wrong and Yamcha needed his help… 

The night started off mostly quiet. After some time, Puar could hear music playing softly- Yamcha commonly fell asleep this way. In fact, the music was so calming that Puar found himself drifting off…

\- - - 

The lights were off in the master bedroom, but one of it’s occupants was awake… laying in Yamcha’s bed, Frieza slept soundly with his back to the other man’s stomach and his head on Yamcha’s arm. His fingers were casually laced through the human’s. Behind him, his lover tried to fall asleep- after all, it had been a long day for them both. Still, the strangeness of being home in his own bed, where he had spent so many nights alone, with his wonderful, terrifying, beautiful new man in his arms was a huge distraction. 

He wasn’t sure why his presence seemed to be the key to Frieza finally being able to sleep soundly, but he was honored, and felt like the other man’s rest was his responsibility. As such, even when after a sleepless hour he realized he needed to run to take a piss he still put off moving as long as possible. When he could finally take it no more, he slid his arm as slowly as he could out from under Frieza and tiptoed to the bathroom, did his business, and returned to the bedroom. Here he found Frieza, sitting up in bed. “Where were you?”

“I’m sorry, Lord Frieza, the needs of the body, you know?” He laughed awkwardly. As he laid back down, Frieza did the same, this time facing him. Unable to help himself, Yamcha immediately wrapped his arms around the smaller man, pulling him close. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I noticed your efforts, but I’m a light sleeper, as you know,” Frieza answered, reaching up to brush the human’s hair back. He loved how it felt, so soft... This touch, however, had a rather energizing effect on Yamcha- one that, due to the proximity of their bodies, couldn’t go unnoticed. “Hmm… on the subject of a body’s needs…”

Yamcha blushed. “It’s hard not to get excited when you start touching me, sorry. It’s okay though! I know you need to get some sleep-“

The emperor silenced him with a glare. “Perhaps I’m not in the mood to sleep?” His hand found it’s way into Yamcha’s hair again, but this time he grabbed a fistful of it and pulled toward him, forcing the human’s lips against his own. Yamcha melted into the kiss, his hands resting on the emperor’s back right above the base of his tail- a spot that, in the previous night’s experimentation, he had found Frieza seemed to enjoy being touched. Frieza’s kiss was equal parts sweet and violent, and he sat up, pulling the other man with him and, his hands still in his hair, guiding his head downward. Yamcha got the hint and kissed Frieza’s neck, shoulders, chest… he had such an unusual taste to him. Completely inhuman, and with a strangeness that would almost be off-putting in any other situation. And yet, here, he quite honestly couldn’t get enough of it. 

Frieza was enjoying the feeling of the taller man’s lips and tongue, but suddenly had a thought that brought him out of the moment. “Wait!” He let go of his lover’s hair. 

Yamcha sat up, his breathing heavy. “What?”

“How good is the soundproofing here? I’d rather your roommate not know our private business…”

“Oh yeah… that would be really uncomfortable,” Yamcha jumped out of bed, grabbed his phone, started a playlist, and hooked up an external speaker. “I usually do this if I have someone over, and Puar has never indicated that he’s heard anything.” With that he dived back into bed, laughing as he landed on Frieza and knocked him onto his back. The emperor used this same momentum to flip them both over so that he was now on all fours over the human, a leg on either side of him, one hand on his chest, pinning him down, and with the other he then reached down and wrapped his fingers around Yamcha’s erection. 

“I’d like to hear about that,” he asked, casually, as he began to slide his fingers lightly up and down on the other man’s shaft. “The last time you had someone in this bed, tell me.”

Yamcha swallowed hard and tried to answer, but keeping his mind on topic was increasingly difficult with each motion of the emperor’s fingers. “Well, I was dating this girl last year, I guess it was her?”

“And why didn’t things work out? I’m assuming you left her, as she’d have to be an idiot to give up on this…”

“It just didn’t…” Yamcha struggled to articulate. “She… she was nice.”

“Oh?” Frieza asked, enjoying watching the human squirm. He sped up his motions slightly. “So you don’t like nice?”

“No! Nice is …neat. But I was too clingy, and she… Just, she didn’t challenge me?”

“Do I challenge you, Yamcha?”

“More than anything…” that last sentence was more of a moan than a whisper. 

Frieza laughed. “Good. I was almost afraid I was losing my touch. And I don’t mind if you’re clingy. It shows devotion… It’s a shame I’m not nice though.” With that, he lowered himself closer to his lover. Their faces inches apart, Yamcha attempted to sit up enough to close the distance, but Frieza shoved him back down and, still stroking the other with one hand, turned his attention to the other’s neck and collar bones, kissing, then sucking, then biting. With this twinge of pain the human pushed the emperor back reflexively- then immediately cursed when the other man stopped.

“Shit, okay, wait a sec! I think… we need a safe word.”

“A safe word? I’m unfamiliar with that term,” Frieza asked, propping his head up on his arm, his hand that had previously been on Yamcha’s junk now resting on his chest. 

“Last night I accidentally stopped you way too many times right when things were getting really good.”

“Unfortunately, getting good often seems to mean getting dangerous, with our preferences and your limited physical tolerances,” Frieza almost pouted- it was adorable.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love that you’re trying to read my cues and respect my safety! But I like it rough, you know that. And sometimes my reflexes kick in and I fight back, or protest, when I don’t actually want you to stop. So, we’ll pick a safe word, right? Something we’d never actually have reason to say during our, um, couple time.” 

“I see… So no matter what you do or say, I don’t stop unless you say the safe word,” Frieza confirmed. “I think I like this… I’ll admit to being quite aroused by your efforts to struggle against me, anyhow. But how will we handle things if you can’t speak?” He gently wrapped his tail around the other man’s neck as he asked. 

“Okay, if I can’t speak I’ll just tap out, like this,” he demonstrated the motion. “So, any idea what our safe word should be?”

“Vegeta,” Frieza said after only a half second of thought. 

“Vegeta?” Yamcha was surprised. “Why that?” 

“Because, to be blunt, I’d rather not think about that disgusting man when I’m with you. If you brought him up for any reason I’d be forced to stop what I was doing anyway, as he’s a mood kill of the highest order. So there’s no chance I’ll forget.” 

“I guess that works then! So no matter what I say or do, don’t stop unless I say Vegeta, or, you know, start bleeding to death or something.”

“Bleeding to death, that won’t happen. But… what about scratches? You certainly have a few from last night…”

“As long as I don’t say Vegeta then I don’t fucking care, let me bleed!”

With that decided, Frieza wasted no time in straddling Yamcha, rubbing his crotch against the other man’s still hard penis and resuming his work on the other man’s neck, getting off on his lover’s fruitless efforts to force him away. Their conversation from a few minutes prior was quickly tested, however, when the emperor, gripping Yamcha’s arms, sunk his nails in, breaking the human’s skin. He glanced up just to be sure, but no one was talking about Saiyan princes… He ran his tongue over the wound. “I hope this doesn’t disturb you, Yamcha, but your blood is as delicious as your cooking…” 

Yamcha shook his head. “I’m not disturbed, I’m… honored?”

The emperor chuckled, then kissed his human. Yamcha could taste his own blood. In any other situation, his rational mind thought, this should be disgusting. But somehow it was, like everything else he did with Frieza, ridiculously, overwhelmingly, mind numbingly hot. He was so obsessed… almost anything this man could do to him would somehow please him. 

Frieza ran his tongue over the edges of Yamcha’s teeth and once again grabbed a fistful of his long, dark hair. He had been continuing to grind against the other man, and he felt the human’s hands on his back. Yamcha’s body tensed up, and he clawed the emperor’s back slightly, moaning “My Lord…” …if there had been any doubt as to what had just happened, the dampness between the two of them would have quickly settled it. 

Still breathless, Yamcha pulled Frieza’s body against his and kissed him again. “I fucking love you.”

The alien smiled at that, then closed his eyes, wrapped his arms tightly around his lover, and focused on the friction of Yamcha’s fading hardness between his legs. Under him, the human reached up to rub that spot above Frieza’s tail. That did it- his grip on the human tightened once again as he felt his release take him. He then rolled onto his back beside his lover, catching his breath with one hand over his face. 

“Was that good?” Yamcha asked, running his fingers over the emperor’s chest. 

“Very,” Frieza answered. “There’s something about the way your body fits against mine,” he paused to draw a couple more deep breaths before continuing, “something about that seems to guarantee my satisfaction. And for you?”

“So good. So, so good…” Yamcha once again wrapped his arms around Frieza, loosely this time, and kissed his cheek. “I think I’m gonna sleep well after that.”

“Are you now? That’s only if I let you sleep,” Frieza answered, but he was clearly kidding- after all, they were both exhausted. 

“If you try and keep me awake I’ll just have to stop you then,” Yamcha joked back, wrapping his legs around the emperor. “You can’t escape my grip so you might as well relax!”

“Was that a challenge?” Frieza asked, and with unsurprising ease freed his tail and shoved the human out of bed. Yamcha landed on the floor with a loud thud but his martial artist’s instincts kicked in and he was back on his feet in less than a second, grabbing Frieza’s arm and yanking him off the bed, laughing. “So that’s how this is going to go?” The emperor kicked his human lover’s legs out from under him then stood up and pressed his foot to his throat, pinning him to the floor. “Beg for mercy and then maybe I’ll let you sleep, how’s that?”

Yamcha, grinning, was about to do just that- but the sound of the door flying open cut him off. A small blur flew through the air and into the back of Frieza’s head. Unflinching, he reached back and grabbed Puar then tossed him down to the human. 

“Control your pet,” he said icily, and, with a practiced confidence that only an emperor could display, walked to the bathroom. “I’m taking a shower and tomorrow we are installing a lock.”

Mortified, Yamcha let go of a very confused Puar. “Uh… what was that about?”

“I… I heard someone hit the floor hard, and thought it sounded like a fight…” Puar had, of course, noticed Yamcha’s nudity… and the mess drying between his legs. “But I guess I uh…”

“You know you’re my best friend, right? And I love you? And I appreciate your concern for me? Now please forget you saw this!” With that Yamcha gently pitched Puar out the door and slammed it shut.

A few minutes later, in the bathroom, Yamcha listened to the water run and watched his lover’s shadow through the curtain. Cautiously, he approached and got in as well. Frieza had been standing under the water with his eyes closed and arms crossed, but stepped aside to allow the human a chance to clean up as well. 

“I’m sorry about that, but… I’m impressed with how well you handled yourself there.”

Frieza scowled. “I do have some degree of self control you know. I doubt you’d be happy if I killed your creature.”

“My friend, Frieza. Puar is my friend. And if we’re all three here together it would make things easier if you tried to make friends with him, too.”

“I’m not a fan of having friends.”

“Oh come on, I’m your friend and you seem to like having me around!”

Frieza sighed, but relaxed a bit. “You aren’t my friend, you’re just an unusually devoted member of my army,” he said, smiling slightly. 

“Sure I am! I’m your best friend and you know you love it,” he paused for a moment to finish washing his hair, more out of habit than necessity considering the random timing of the shower. After rinsing he opened his eyes and noticed Frieza had left the bathroom. With a shrug he finished up, towel dried his hair, and returned to the bedroom, where Frieza appeared to have gone back to bed. 

Climbing in beside him and resuming his habitual closeness, the exhausted human quickly fell asleep, but this time it was Frieza’s turn to lie awake.

He didn’t like the idea of Yamcha being a friend. He had such a negative connection with that word- friends were a sign of weakness after all, and Yamcha didn’t make him weak, he was stronger than ever with this human at his side. The emperor, of course, knew about romantic love and all the concepts associated with it, and wondered if the rather juvenile term ‘boyfriends’ was what described them best at this point? Yamcha had made it very clear that he loved the alien in a romantic and sexual sense, after all. 

Frieza didn’t want to say he was in love or anything like that, that was disgusting. But his special alliance with Yamcha was something he didn’t want to end any time soon. He undoubtably cared about the man more than anyone other than himself. Well… he’d think things over. He supposed there was nothing wrong with titles that described how things are perceived if it made his human happy, even if it meant embracing concepts like ‘friendship…’

\- - - 

The following morning Yamcha overslept and woke up to an empty bed. Still a little nervous about the idea of his temperamental lover alone with his best friend after the previous night, he tossed on a shirt and shorts and rushed out of the room. He didn’t have to look for long. 

Sitting on the living room couch, a bored looking Frieza awkwardly held a 3DS game system. Puar was floating over his shoulder. “So every enemy has a weakness to a specific type, and when you hit them with it, you get to perform a follow up attack without having to spend your SP!” 

“I can see how that would be useful-“ the pair then noticed the stunned human watching. “Good morning, Yamcha.”

“Hey you two,” he came over and sat down beside Frieza. “I’m surprised to see you guys hanging out!”

Frieza sighed. “Don’t I have an obligation to at least try and befriend my boyfriend’s best friend?” He said, cringing with the overuse of that loathsome word ‘friend’ in that sentence. 

“Yeah, Frieza said he was bored so I was showing him some games! He’s not very good at them yet-“

“Emphasis on yet,” Frieza muttered. Even something as bland as simulated combat on a tiny screen could bring out his perfectionism. 

Yamcha barely heard any of this though. “So we’re officially boyfriends, huh?” He giggled, kissed Frieza on the cheek, and then jumped up. “You two haven’t had breakfast yet I’m guessing, so I”m gonna go make us something awesome!” 

Frieza’s annoyance melted away as he watched his boyfriend leave the room, lightly touching the spot that Yamcha’s lips had been pressed a moment before. Well, had he known it would make the other man so happy he would used that word much sooner… 

“You’re forgetting to defend!”

“Shit!” Frieza quickly refocused on the game.

End Come Undone

Author’s Note: Comparing this to my current stuff is interesting, you can see little parts of this I kept and reused and a lot of places where I had no idea what I was doing. Happy to have it back up, I still think it’s pretty cute.


	5. I Don't Know Myself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A matter of being in the wrong place at the right time results in an injured Frieza and Yamcha together by accident... But when a desperate Yamcha tries to seduce the wounded emperor, the last thing he expects is for it to actually work.

When Goku had dropped by Yamcha's apartment, he told him that this was the sort of fight that would take everything earth had... even retired fighters like him. “Don’t worry, all you’ve gotta do is help hold back Frieza’s soldiers. You can leave the worst of them to Vegeta and Gohan and me, okay?” 

“Easy for you to say, but what happens if he beats all three of you huh?” Yamcha asked, trying to hide his nerves with a laugh and a toss of his long hair. 

“He won’t. But if he did, we’ve still got Piccolo, and 18 and 17, and Tien… and of course, you!” 

“Don’t tease, you know he’d eviscerate me with a flick of his finger.” 

“Don’t be like that! I mean yeah, Frieza is like, multitudes stronger than any human could ever be, but he fights by his own rules and you do the same.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean exactly?”

Goku folded his arms. “I’m just trying to say, you’re tricky. You’ve always been! Honestly, if you just throw yourself into it even you might stand a chance just because you’d come up with something unique. Frieza doesn’t know how you fight. All he knows is military strategy and brute strength. And you? You’d catch him off guard because he’s never seen someone like you.” 

Yamcha rolled his eyes. “I’m sure he’s fought plenty of weak-“ 

“Not weak. Unpredictable. Feral.” Goku paused for a minute, then laughed. “And if nothing else you seem to always have the craziest luck. Maybe this could be the one time it actually works in your favor!”

Just as he’d threatened, Frieza’s invasion hit the planet the following day, and Earth’s greatest warriors were ready and waiting. Yamcha watched as countless soldiers exited the ship that hung in the atmosphere above them, and then… 

“It’s him,” Goku’s voice was a mix of resolve and excitement. Yamcha wished he felt the same. Staring up at the pale being that descended rapidly in front of their group he felt the sweat begin to form on his body and drench his orange gi- not from the humid warmth of the late summer day but instead a direct result of his racing heart as he felt the ridiculously high power radiating off of the alien. 

“You… you said he gets even stronger than this?” He whispered to the shorter man standing to the left. 

“Yep, unfortunately,” Krillin answered, his eyes never leaving their adversary. “If you see his golden form, don’t try and fight. Run.” 

That was the last chance they had to talk, however, as the hoards of warriors that had accompanied the emperor weren’t waiting, and immediately targeted the majority of the group. In a matter of seconds Yamcha was fighting for his life, sticking close to Tien and Krillin. He let his two friends focus on direct combat, instead using his spirit ball technique to intercept anyone who would try and attack them from the back. Of course, he had to protect himself too, and for those closer dust ups his old standby, the Wolf Fang Fist, continued to serve him well. While he couldn’t spare the attention to know how the main battle between Frieza and the Saiyans was going, he couldn’t help but be proud of the Earthlings for the sheer number of incapacitated enemies they were piling up- 

-at least until there was a massive explosion, and Yamcha felt himself being flung by the blast. It happened too quick, he was blinded and unable to recover control of his body before he hit something hard. Pushing himself to his feet and struggling to keep his eyes open and head clear, Yamcha realized the force of the explosion had knocked him away from his friends and against the side of Frieza’s ship. 

“Oh no,” he muttered to himself, and took a step forward, but as his vision slowly cleared he realized he was face to face with-

Frieza had been running full speed into his spaceship’s main entrance, and slammed into the human, knocking him inside as well. Once again he found himself struggling to stand back up as Frieza closed the door and shouted a command in a language he didn’t recognize. A computerized voice responded in what seemed to be the same unknown language, and the ship launched in a loud whir of engines. It was only then that Frieza noticed his accidental stowaway. 

“You… an Earthling?” As he stood up, Yamcha noticed the tyrant was badly injured, his breath coming in sharp gasps, small cuts covering his torso, and a trail of blood running from the right corner of his mouth down his throat. 

Even in this condition he was terrifying, so much so that Yamcha couldn’t force the words out of his mouth to answer. 

Frieza approached him and lifted an arm, beginning to charge up a massive ball of Ki. “This is but a temporary retreat, you know,” he threatened as he advanced toward the terrified human. “I am simply catching my breath, then returning to continue the battle. But perhaps your corpse will be an effective psychological weapon against Son Goku.” 

This was it. All he had to do was stand still and… a strange clarity hit his mind once death seemed inevitable, and instead Yamcha remembered Goku’s words the prior day… 

Unpredictable. 

Feral.

And then… he stood a chance. 

His body almost seemed to move on it’s own as he stood and faced the attack. “If… If I die I’ll die standing,” he first whispered, then repeated it in a shout. Frieza laughed. 

“So even a worm can have honor in the face of his inevitable demise, hmm?” 

When he laughed, he coughed slightly, and another bead of blood ran down that trail from his lips to his collar bone and an unfathomable idea hit Yamcha. 

Maybe… maybe it was time to do something Frieza didn’t expect. Maybe this was his chance. Maybe Goku was right about the way he did battle. 

He let Frieza take another step closer, and closer still, and as he prepared to lower his arm and slam the now massive ball of energy down on him, Yamcha simply leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the shorter man’s shoulders. 

“Wait, what are you doing?!” A startled Frieza dropped his arm, losing his concentration as well as the energized attack. Yamcha tightened his grip, pulling the alien’s body against his own. It was funny how cool it felt against his skin. The difference in their body temperatures was staggering, and he could only imagine how strange it must feel for his opponent, being held in the heated arms of a man he had been planning to kill. 

Unpredictable… 

This was his only opportunity. So before a sputtering Frieza could regain himself and shove the weaker man away, Yamcha grabbed his chin, tilted his head back, and kissed him. 

He felt the emperor’s small, powerful body go completely rigid in his arms, and when he continued to get no resistance he kissed him again, lingering this time. After a few moments of this, Frieza finally seemed to regain himself and pulled away, holding his tail up defensively between them. “What- what in space do you think you’re doing?!” 

Yamcha blurted out the first thing that popped into his head in response. “I’m showing you a good time, obviously!” 

“Is your brain damaged from the fight or are you just an idiot?” 

Instead of answering, the human reached out and ran his fingers down the cool tapering skin of Frieza’s tail, prompting the shorter man to take another step back and pull it away. Feeling almost delirious from the sheer ridiculousness of the situation he’d found himself in but still spurned on by a mix of his will to live and something else he hadn’t quite identified yet, Yamcha followed him and once again embraced him, his arms tight around his shoulders as he leaned in for another kiss. 

Frieza raised his hands and pressed them flat against the human’s chest but stopped short of pushing him away. Yamcha parted his own lips slightly and ran the tip of his tongue over Frieza’s, hearing a little gasp from the tyrant before his fingers curled around the fabric of the front of the hero’s Gi, pulling their bodies closer. 

Wait… was Frieza getting into it? 

The question in Yamcha’s mind was quickly answered by the feel of a tail winding around his leg. So he got bolder, lowering his arms and stroking the firm skin of the emperor’s back down to his hips and thighs before pushing things a little further and running them back around to his ass and giving it a little squeeze. Frieza responded with a jump, wrapping his legs around Yamcha’s own hips and finally properly returning the kiss. 

Oh goodness… Yamcha wasn’t really sure how far he could take this, but it was keeping him alive… and he was surprised to realize that even with the threat of death hanging over him, there was something incredibly hot about what he was doing with Frieza. He’d never really looked at the alien in a sexual light before, but as he felt the grip of his strong thighs and the almost desperate, hungry press of his mouth against his own… 

Yamcha carefully knelt down and laid Frieza back on the floor so that he was now crouching over the tyrant. He took another good look at him, taking note of the purplish blush on his cheeks, neck, and chest, and the intense, unreadable look in his red eyes. 

“I’m not sure what you think you’re accomplishing here, human,” he spat after a moment’s pause, “but don’t think you can manipulate me into sparing your planet.” 

Yamcha just grinned and cupped the side of the emperor’s face in one hand, using this thumb to wipe away a bit of the blood that lingered from the prior fight. “I don’t think I’m manipulating you into anything you don’t want me to.” 

“Damn you…” Frieza sighed, then with a glare returned his hands to the other man’s shirt and ripped it down the front, shoving the ruined fabric aside and letting his cool fingers explore the heated tan skin of the taller man’s chest. “I wouldn’t be letting you do this, but you seem to have caught be in a… vulnerable position.” 

Those hands were distracting, and Yamcha had to force himself to take a few proper breaths before replying, “You wouldn’t be vulnerable if you weren’t letting yourself be. You’re… curious. Admit it.” He leaned close with the last two words, his long hair falling around them both. Frieza rolled his eyes, so Yamcha kissed him again, and he moved his weight to his left arm and let his right do some exploring of it’s own. As it made it’s way from the alien’s face to his neck then his chest and stomach he felt the smaller man squirm under him. Geez he was getting worked up, but it was entirely a mutual feeling. 

Not that the human had any idea how far they’d actually be able to take this anyway. With that thought in mind he brushed his fingers against the space between Frieza’s thighs almost instinctively- then they both froze. “F-frieza, um, what am I touching?” 

His eyes wide and blush stronger than ever, Frieza bit his lip for a moment before finally answering, “oh come on, surely you aren’t a complete idiot. You can figure it out.” 

“Um, okay…” Yamcha’s fingers carefully probed Frieza’s alien genitalia, feeling it further expose itself at his touch. The emperor’s breathing grew heavier and he arched his back, then quickly grabbed and shredded Yamcha’s pants and shorts in a single, quick motion before opening one eye and slowly looking down. 

“…oh…” 

Yamcha paused his touching and laughed awkwardly, “I’m not sure what that’s supposed to mean.” 

Frieza wrapped his fingers around Yamcha’s newly exposed erection. “It means I didn’t know what to expect, I haven’t seen an Earthling naked before.” 

“Are you… disappointed?” 

“If I was do you think you’d still have a heart beat?” 

“A valid point,” Yamcha lowered his body, closing the distance between them so that their chests were touching and lips could feel one another’s breath. “Right now, I definitely have one… it’s pounding. Can I..?” Rather than finish the question, he gently slid the tip of his finger into a tight, slightly damp opening near the back of the alien’s strange yet fascinating sex organs. 

Drawing in a breath with a sharp hiss through his gritted teeth, Frieza didn’t answer, just nodding an affirmative. He removed his hand and lined up their hips. It was almost like something else beyond them was guiding his body at this point, and he pushed himself against that hole, slowly penetrating it. His unexpected lover moaned, his fingers clawing almost painfully at the human’s back. Once he finally pushed as far as he could, Yamcha paused, a powerful feeling of completeness hitting him. 

“Just… who are you?” Frieza whispered, his lips and breath ghosting against Yamcha’s neck. 

Oh, right… he couldn’t have expected the tyrant to remember him, at least prior to this strangely fulfilling moment they were currently sharing anyway. “I’m a human. Name’s Yamcha.” 

“Yamcha…” Frieza took a deep breath, then relaxed his body, closing his eyes again as he laid back against the floor. His tail wound around the human’s throat, but loosely, not threateningly. Almost sensually. “Go on then, Yamcha…” he shut his eyes and dropped his arms to his side, opening his legs a little more, making his body completely available to the human. 

Yamcha swallowed hard. He honestly wasn’t sure what he’d been thinking when he started attempting to seduce the emperor, but he certainly hadn’t expected things to wind up at the point that they currently were! 

Oh whatever. 

He knew what he wanted. 

Forget the fate of the planet. Forget his friends. Forget his own best interests. All he wanted right now was to bring them both to a climax. 

He hooked his arms under the shorter man’s legs and then grabbed Frieza’s wrists, pinning them above his head as he began to move his hips slowly, languidly, pulling himself most of the way back out before thrusting back in a bit quicker. He felt those strange, finger like toes grip his hips and push him to go faster, and he complied. Frieza’s body was as baffling as it was beautiful, as while his inside was unsurprisingly warmer than his cool skin, it was still considerably lower in temperature than what he’d came to expect from his sexual experience with other humans. 

Right now though, it was all he wanted. Looking down at the flushed panting body of the villain beneath him, Yamcha felt an odd surge of something almost affectionate- a weird way to feel toward someone who was all to ready to kill him minutes prior. But he literally couldn’t think about that right now, not when Frieza felt so good… 

It didn’t take long for his lover to cry out, breaking his arms free of Yamcha’s grip so that he could cling to the human. “Aaaa, Yamcha!” Frieza’s orgasm was the sexiest thing Yamcha had ever experienced, and nearly brought him there himself- but almost as though he was snapping out of a trance, the smaller man’s eyes opened wide and he suddenly shoved the human off of him, shouting something in that same unknown language. 

“Hey wait a sec-“ 

Frieza didn’t reply, rushing out of the room. Before Yamcha could figure out what was going on, a hatch opened on the floor beneath him and he fell out of the ship- 

\- and landed, still naked, on top of a very confused Vegeta. 

End I Don't Know Myself by SecretWeaponSeven

Author's Note: When I shared this on the Yamza discord server like two years ago there was a frame story and I believe I titled the whole thing "I Remember" just based on the file name, but the frame story wasn't necessary, so publishing it now I'm axing it. Honestly I think it works better as a short and sweet WTF thing without the convoluted explanations of why Frieza was so willing. 

Eh. Anyway! Next chapter of You'd Better Not Go Alone is still in progress, it's just been a bad week IRL which tanks my creativity, sorry. But for now enjoy this. Don't forget that kudos make me jump up and down and comments make me cry tears of joy.


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